Weapons (2025)
I’m not sure how many of you go to AMC Theatres for your movies, but I’m an A-List member (usually the first thing I mention when I meet a new person, alienating myself immediately). I don’t know if other theater chains have the same butter-flavoring dispenser as AMC, but their dispensers are the best because they have a red-dot sight attached to them that auto-detects the bucket of popcorn underneath and starts the stream of delicious artificial flavoring. Then you use the laser-guided butter stream to evenly coat your popcorn. I’ve been going to AMCs since around 2017 and I just realized you don’t have to press the button to get your butter fix. It’s automatic. I’m a dense, dense, man.
SPOILERS AHEAD
On to the movie, I caught this one on its second weekend. Time got away from me this week because building a website isn’t as easy as I thought it’d be, in fact, it’s hard. You gotta drag and drop stuff into place, there’s local internet mafias that demand ‘virtual protection’ money from you, talking about how ‘It would be a real shame if this beautiful website crashed one day’ and after several other threats, I started to get the hint. The vig is pretty high, so I need to find a way to make money off this thing. That’s why this review is brought to you by the number one vegetable peeler in the business. Seriously, you could skin a person with this thing.
All that to say, I saw Weapons on a second-weekend Sunday night and the auditorium was PACKED. It was strange to be in such a filled theater for a second weekend movie. I was a bit worried that the audience would talk through the whole thing; it was a young and animated crowd when I took my seat. Right after the film started, a group of girls next to me got up and returned with nachos, wrestling with the plastic bag over the quietest scene in the movie.
But, to my surprise, everyone locked in pretty much immediately. Cregger did an amazing job setting the stage, putting the audience into the throws of the story after a quick narration.
Weapons tells its story through four intertwining characters: Justine, Archer, Marcus, and Alex. Through a controlled trickle of information, we are given an answer as to why seventeen children left their houses at exactly 2:17 AM. I’m kind of surprised no one speculated this was an internet challenge, they’re literally in a video game T pose as they run away.
John Carpenter’s Halloween series is all over this film. The opening credits use a blue font in a soft focus, copying the Halloween III: Season of the Witch font and color, evoking an older era of horror films, even if this is in many ways an extremely modern horror film. Cregger also captures the paradox of suburban living: a community that is only close in proximity, where these people who live together don’t even know each other and will turn on each other in the blink of an eye.
Until about the third act, the film keeps up a slow and steady pace. Long shots of empty suburban streets, slow zooms on nefarious characters, great shots focused on a character with moving elements in the background, out of focus. But when we get to the fireworks factory, it pays off in spades.
The casting is great, and plays to everyone’s strengths. We start out following Justine Gandy (Juliette Garner), whose entire class disappeared save for Alex (Cary Christopher). The town, led by an incredibly sad Archer (Josh Brolin), immediately turns on her and accuses her of kidnapping the children. To compound the situation, Justine has had a history of overstepping boundaries with the children, now which includes hugging a crying child, and a more concerning act of giving a student a ride home.
Julia Garner’s small frame makes her house feel larger, and my eyes were drawn to dark corners, looking to see if someone snuck in to exact revenge for their missing children. The tension builds through these long scenes of her alone in the house receiving mysterious calls and loud cop-knocks at the door. We’ve seen the hulking Archer lead an angry mob, and know Justine would be no match for him, even with her taser.
We’re really into spoiler territory here. This is your last chance.
Aunt Gladys (Amy Madigan) was great and terrifying and funny and old. But I couldn’t help but look at her and wish Amy Sedaris was in this role instead. She’s got a more manic energy and unpredictableness (not a word, I know and I don’t care) that would make her scarier. She can turn the charm on and off like a light switch.
The scene where Gladys is being chased by the children through the neighborhood gave me a euphoric feeling. The weight and tension of the film was finally released, if only for a moment. Gladys finally got hers (which included her jaw being ripped from her head), and the comedy hit so hard. The whole theater was just waiting for an excuse to feel anything other than dread.
I really loved this movie, and found the horror elements really affected me. Page had her hand on my leg, and during a particularly big jumpscare, squeezed my leg so hard I had a bruise.
Should you watch Weapons? Yes, see it in theaters. Horror movies are so much better in a pitch-black theater.
Who should watch Weapons?
- People looking for a high-quality vegetable peeler
- families that are thinking of letting an estranged relative visit
- Campbell’s Soup lovers
- Salt-phobics
- Parents that just wish their kids would get out of the house once in a while
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