Am I team Conrad or team Jeremiah? Oh wow, that’s such a hard question to ask… Team Conrad is all the rage on the internet, and, while it’s fun to hate on Jer, these two “men” are little bitches. I mean what the fuck, Belly? These boys are basically family and you had to go and fool around with them? I don’t know about anyone else, but, growing up around my mom’s friends’ kids, I was told those people were my cousins – not future lovers. So, to answer everyone’s question, I fucking hate both these bitch ass boys.
This episode primarily focused on the bachelorette and bachelor parties. However, these parties gave off sorority and frat party energy. Then, halfway through, they’re practicing choreographed dances?? Are these people rushing or is it the Belly and Jer Wedding Party?
Now to the meat and potatoes. Belly finally admits she has some leftover feelings for Conrad, and that they have essentially been eye fucking and emotionally cheating on one another for the majority of the summer. Even Jer has taken notice and tried to bone Belly into his territory. It’s no match for bitch boy Conrad and his “feelings,” though. This fuck, knowing Belly is questioning everything, corners her when she’s drunk and emotional (the night before her wedding) to confess his continued love for her.
Don’t get me wrong, it was sad and semi-romantic in a fuckboy way. I cried, as I usually do, but I felt so angry for Belly. Yes, Jer was too drunk to meet Belly on the beach as they planned, but Conrad took advantage of that situation and the emotions that come with being let down in that way. Belly did stand up for herself and her relationship by telling Conrad that he will never be what Jeremiah is to her. That was devastating. Then we get hit with “loml” by Taylor Swift? I sobbed.
As a sidenote, two Taylor Swift songs in one episode is wild, but doing two songs from The Tortured Poets Department is downright criminal. “Robin” as we get a montage of Belly and the bitches growing up? Fuck me sideways I cried just hearing the song. I am so thankful that this show uses so much music from Taylor – it’s one of the reasons why I watch the show, honestly (in a semi-disgusting but earnest way).
Here is something controversial that I feel needs to be said: Conrad is Joe Alwyn. There!!! Conrad is “champagne problems”. Remember the infamous motel scene with Belly laying in bed and Conrand and Jeremiah on the floor of either side? Conrad had the full opportunity to tell Belly his feelings. “You had a speech, you’re speechless/ Love slipped beyond your reaches/ And I couldn’t give a reason?” If I was a betting woman, I would put money on “champagne problems” being in the final episode. So, if Conrad is Joe Alwyn, what does that make Jeremiah? He’s not totally Travis, but he’s also not totally Matty Healy. Jer is a combination of both, and it’s very confusing. I cannot keep rambling on here. I could connect everything to Taylor Swift if you give me unlimited space and time.
Belly has been hiding and denying a lot of her feelings this entire season (and series, too). In the past, Belly had confided in Taylor, her bestie, about her feelings and dreams about Conrad. When Belly returned to her room after Conrad’s love bombing, Taylor asked her what happened, aka the perfect opportunity to tell her C-Bag told her not to marry Jeremiah, and Belly said she didn’t want to talk about it. Bitch. That tea is too hot and urgent to sleep on. You mean to tell me you’re going to drop this BOMB and not have several hours to debrief?? That tea is an all night session if I have ever seen it!
Belly needs to fall back in love with herself. She has never known a life without a Fisher boy in her orbit. I have a feeling she will be choosing herself instead of either of those bitch boys. All signs and social media posts point to us wanting Belly to go back to Conrad. I say fuck that. She either goes pedal to the metalwith Jeremiah or, better yet, she dumps him and goes to Paris to study abroad. Both of these boys are going to be a detriment to Belly’s future, so I will be triggered if this wedding actually happens.
rating: 4/5
(mainly because of the TTPD double whammy)
who should watch “Last Hurrah”
- Swifties
- Little bitch ass boys who are trying to learn how to not treat their ladies
- The girlies
- Penis-headband enthusiasts
- Sorority presidents who are looking for their next theme night
