So, summer classes are over, which is great because I now have the time to make a website, which turns out is pretty hard to do. The fact that this website even works is huge. It was a lot of creating a new page and breaking the entire site, fixing the issue, and breaking the site again. After bashing my head into my monitor, I decided I needed to take some time away from the computer, so I turned to my mentor, TV.
farmhouse fixer
“I love a good ol’ farmhouse!” Jon Knight exclaims in his heavy New England accent for the intro to Farmhouse Fixer.
First off, I had no clue Jon Knight was in New Kids on the Block. I never listened to them, they were a little before my time. As far as boy bands were concerned, I came up in the NSYNC and Backstreet Boys era, and I was a fan of the former.(much to the concern of my father).No Strings Attached still rules. Secondly, I had no clue he was a farm guy, mainly because I knew nothing about him.
“Derek, if you don’t know NKOTB and you don’t ‘get’ the country life, why watch Farmhouse Fixer?”
Great question. Page (my wonderful girlfriend) and I watch pretty much everything together. It’s mainly a lot of movies, but if we don’t have a spare 90 minutes, we throw on a TV show, and the more braindead, the better. That’s how we got into House Hunters and House Hunters Renovation. There’s over 150 seasons, it’s completely formulaic, and it’s just interesting enough to keep me from finding another show. So we made it through all of the episodes on Hulu, at this point, I’m hooked on HGTV programming, I want it straight in my veins.
Much like a junkie, I’ll get my fix anywhere I can find it, which just so happened to be Jon Knight’s show. He goes around the New England area finding farmhouses in various states of distress (Some are on crumbling foundations while others just need a few walls torn down), and renovates them for a modern era while keeping a classic farmhouse style. It’s a totally charming show. Jon is affable and honest, and Kristina (his interior designer), makes the most out of these renovations.
Farmhouse Fixer:
Camp Revamp
Hulu only has six episodes, so I started watching a spin-off, Farmhouse Fixer: Camp Revamp. Jon Knight bought a dilapidated campground that would make anyone’s financial advisor faint and convinced HGTV to greenlight a show where he renovates the entire site. He enlists his family (and bandmate/brother) to help him decorate in order to save a few dollars, but it never helps because he always goes $10-30,000 over budget per cabin. There’s only four episodes of this show, and it stops without any sort of resolution.
There’s a pretty great scene in the third episode where his brother grills him on his hospitality knowledge. It’s actually a painful scene to see Jon acknowledge that he doesn’t know the first thing about running a camp and hadn’t thought about cost of employees and upkeep in the campground.
After a cursory google search of the Water’s Edge Campground, I couldn’t find anything on Jon’s new camp. I couldn’t believe it, but I was actually distressed that he ended up selling the camp in an attempt to recoup part of his investment. I wanted to see the finished product, dammit!
The Flip/off
Not to be confused with Face/Off
The trash TV doesn’t stop there! I feel absolutely unhinged from reality at this point. I’m an addict and this is my cry for help. I’ve lost complete control of my life. I binged Flip/Off over two or three days. It’s an illness. Speaking of illness, this show features Tarek El Moussa facing off against his ex-wife, Christina Haack in a bare-knuckle, no-holds barred, winner-take-all flip/off.
Tarek is paired with his wife Heather, which my girlfriend immediately noted was on Selling Sunset, a show I’m not even sick enough to watch. SPOILERS for Flip/Off ahead. This is an incredibly messy show, so if you love messy reality TV, this was made for you. The series starts off with an hour-forty premier where Christina challenges Tarek to the titular flip-off at their son’s soccer match.
Call me old-fashioned, but there had to be a better place to frame this competition other than your son’s match. I couldn’t imagine being their two children that they co-parent. Just from the glimpse you’re afforded in the show, the two parents are relentlessly hounding their children for intelligence on each other’s progress and are constantly asked, “Who’s gonna win?” “Who’s house is better?” “Who do you love better?”. Okay, I made up that last one, but it’s not far from the truth.
We also get to witness a divorce unfold over six episodes with Christina. Sorry, we get to witness her third divorce. Josh, her third husband had some serious anger issues. Towards the end of the series, she mentions he’s trying to ‘retire’ off of their divorce, trying to take all he can get from her and we learn she didn’t sign a prenup?? Jesus Christ, when you’re worth millions of dollars, just have the awkward conversation and get a prenup. If you two truly love each other, it shouldn’t be an issue. I seriously can’t understand why a wealthy person on their third marriage wouldn’t get a prenup.
That’s unfortunately been my TV watching this week. I truly feel worse off after Flip/Off. I don’t know what I was thinking, I’m gonna blame weed for all of my problems because it’s so much easier than being introspective to find the roots of my unhappiness.
What have you all been watching?
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